I must admit I’m quite surprised at the utter lack of interest in why I left the LDS church. I know there were rumblings about it at the time, because I only told about two people what I was doing, and that was my brother and my mom. Yet somehow all of my friends new about it. But nobody really seemed to care why I left. I can only assume that they felt I was being drug away by Satan and that one day I’d return. Well I hate to crush those dreams, but I am not coming back. Ever. Maybe nobody really wants to hear what I have to say, but for those that have ever been even the slightest bit curious as to why I left, here it is.
My reasons for leaving the church, and my more recent reasons for resigning from the church are quite different. My reasons for leaving were more emotionally based, where my reasons for resigning are based on knowledge. When I hit high school I remember being very excited to attend seminary. I was very diligent. Embarrassingly so. I was the one that got angry with people for snickering during the prayer, or staring off into space during the hymns. I looked up every scripture, worked hard to learn every scripture mastery. But then things started to fall apart. I found that the things I was learning simply didn’t make sense, or I just flat out didn’t agree with them. I have claimed before that learning from the church that being gay was wrong was what set me off into questioning my religion, and indeed this is true. I was shocked to learn this. How could God not love one of his children if he was gay? if he was an atheist? Even earthly parents are capable of this. And if God expects everyone to be completely selfless and forgiving, why shouldn’t he forgive? And why does he require everyone to worship him if he expects us to do good without reward? I also wondered why this church was even true to begin with. There are so many churches whos members all very strongly believe it to be the only true church. How could I know this was the true church just because I was born into it? One that might sound silly, but really upset me at the time, was a question often brought up about the afterlife. About what kinds of things you could do in the afterlife. All of my teachers seemed to agree that there would be sports in heaven, but no video games. No video games. My favorite past time would not be in heaven. But yet the sports jocks all got to revel in their favorite game. How unfair is that? I mean what about a person who’s one true passion is cooking? When he dies, what the hell is he supposed to do? Watch football? I think not. Overall I simply could not believe that God was as cruel and ruthless as the Mormon church made him out to be. The questions just kept piling up, and the reasoning and explanations kept getting more and more unsatisfying until it culminated in my decision to leave the church.
As I said, the reasoning for leaving the church is quite different than the reasoning for resigning. See, for years I just figured that, if I didn’t believe in it, what was the point of resigning? Until one day I stumbled upon some of the church history that gets swept under the rug. I was so shocked at what I found, I had to have more. I researched and dug and rummaged through all kinds of online resources, voraciously eating up every nugget of information I could get my hands on. I couldn’t get enough of the stuff, I had to know it all. The more I found, the more disgusted I became with the church. I knew I could not have my name attached to such an organization. I wanted out, and I wanted out fast. So I penned copied and pasted my resignation letter, and sent it off. A few weeks later I got a letter saying it was a local matter and that they sent my request to the bishop of the last known ward I had attended (it’s not a local matter). Also included with the letter was a brochure inviting me to come back. Ha. I got a call from “my bishop”–despite my request not to be contacted–and the resignation request was readied. Now it’s only a matter of time before I get a confirmation letter that my name has been removed from church records. I can’t wait.
I think a common misunderstanding is that leaving the church is an easy decision. Let me tell you, it is not. It was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made. I knew it would isolate me from my peers, and I knew it would be a disappointment to my mother, but it was something that had to be done. Leaving the church caused me to lose a lot of friends, but I couldn’t pretend I believed in and agreed with the doctrine of the church. And more importantly, now that I know the truth about the church, I could never be part of such an organization.
Inthenameofcheeseandriceamen.