So You Want to be an Ex-Mormon

If you have the preconceived notion that you can leave the Mormon church scot-free, drop it now.  There are many, many issues you have to deal with when leaving the church, but I want to focus on the misinformed moral code you’ve most likely acquired.  The church lets you know exactly what is appropriate and inappropriate right down to your very knickers, and while some of this is good advice; a lot of it is not.  Obviously the commandments not to kill, steal, and fool around with your neighbors wife are probably good moral codes for anybody to live by.  Lets ignore the ten commandments however, as most of them are based on God’s outrageous ego anyway, and look at the more trivial demands from above.

Thou shalt not put that in thy mouth

Once, in middle school, while I was walking home I passed a soda machine.  I dug in my pocket and found I had a few quarters left over from lunch, so I plunked them in the machine and smacked one of the buttons.  I’m not sure why I pushed the one I did, perhaps the devil made me do it, but whatever the case was I ended up with an iced tea.  I drank it without a second thought and enjoyed ever last drop.  It wasn’t until I was finished that I realized what I had done.  I suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over me and actually became nervous over the thought that, at any moment, God would come throw me over his knee and give me a divine spanking.  Days, weeks, years have passed and my bottom remains un-paddled.  But this first instance got me thinking, why would God oppose something that tastes great and has so many health benefits?  The best part about all of this is that Mormons can’t even decide what they actually believe.  The rule is no hot drinks, whatever the hell that means.  Maybe iced tea is ok?  I know Mormons that drink coffee and/or tea frequently.  On the other end of the spectrum, I know Mormons that believe all caffeinated drinks are out of the question.  What I’m trying to get at is, they’re just drinks, and that includes alcohol.  I personally do not drink alcohol, I don’t find the idea of getting drunk particularly entertaining, but I’m not opposed to drinking.  I’d love to be able to have a nice glass of wine with my family on occasion.  Oh, and I should mention that wine is good for you too.

Thou shalt watch Singles Ward over and over and over and….

Believe it or not, one of the most difficult things for me to give up was this idea that I shouldn’t watch R rated movies.  I had no qualms playing mature rated games, but I refused to watch R rated movies based solely on the rating.  For the record, I still think video games have not matched the level of violence and sexuality that can be found in some R rated movies, but still that’s no reason to neglect watching something just because of a silly little rating.  Countless movies passed me by that I would loved to have seen but I still wouldn’t watch them because of the rating.  I even passed up opportunities to hang out with my friends because they intended to go to an R rated movie.  It took me about two years after becoming an ex-Mormon to finally watch an R rated movie.  What I found was that I’d really been missing out.  Of course I’m not saying the R stands for… um, awesome?  What I mean to say is that you shouldn’t let a rating stand in the way of something you want to see.  People are quick to point out that R rated movies can affect your mind, but I really don’t see this.  I as well as countless others have been watching uber violent action flicks for some time now, and we’re not snapping.  The same goes for violent video games.  I can take out hundreds of people in Halo or viciously rip apart aliens in Dead Space, but there’s no way that would ever cause me to actually harm someone.  The kind of people that violent media does affect most likely already had something wrong with them.  And of course there is so much more than just violent movies that get R ratings.  Often times the rating is awarded based on excessive fowl language, which brings me to my next point…

Thou shalt not swear, dumb ass!

I used to get incredibly offended any time somebody swore.  It made me angry at the person for swearing around me, and it made me think much less of them.  What I failed to realize at the time was that swearing is bullshit.  The only reason swear words were offensive to me was because I was told to be offended by them.  At some point we decided that certain words should be offensive, and that’s how they got their meaning.  But really, why get so worked up over a string of syllables?  When you accept that curse words are just sounds, it’s pretty hard to be offended by them.  Most everyone gets around swearing by using silly substitute words.  But isn’t the fact that you are cursing these words still make them curse words?  For example, if I smash my finger in the door and call out “Shit!”, how is it any different than if I had called out “Feces!”.  What if “riboflavin” had been coined a swear word.  Can you imagine?  Then when people stubbed their toes they’d be calling out “Ah, riboflavin!”  It would be absolutely ridiculous to be offended by the word “riboflavin”, so why should anybody be offended by “shit”, “damn it”, and so on and so forth.  It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I don’t think there is a single thing anybody could ever say that would offend me.  It’s nice to not raise the blood pressure over something so trivial.

These may seem like pretty soft issues I picked to talk about, but they really were very hard for me to overcome, and I imagine many ex-Mormons go through the same issues.  I’m not trying to say all ex-Mormons should run out and start drinking, cursing, and renting porn by the box full, but I do think everyone should really evaluate their moral beliefs.  Of course there are much more hard-hitting issues that need to be pondered.  For example, I’ve had to completely rethink my stance on many sexual subjects, but I thought these might be a bit too personal to share.  I’ve heard many people try to argue for a simple moral rule, but I don’t think it’s that easy.  What has worked well for me is to simply evaluate how my actions will affect myself and the people around me, then make an informed decision from that.  It may seem intimidating, but it can be quite exciting to rethink your moral universe.  It’s empowering for me to know that my moral code was developed by me and me alone, not by some supernatural being.